A star is born

I recently had the cringe worthy pleasure of seeing and hearing myself on American Cable TV. There are no other words to describe the episode other than ‘cheesy’!

Just to recap, Adi and I had been asked to take part in an American TV program that documents couples search for a home abroad. Episodes are filmed in many exotic locations around the world and one such location was Bahrain. I jumped at the chance to be on the program (I was bored, oh and they pay you!) and I dragged a reluctant Adi into it. Negotiations took place with the production company and a date was set for filming in July 2010.

On the first day of filming, we were greeted by three very jolly (and very loud) American guys at Cafe Lilou in Adliya. Both Adi and I were very nervous and as soon as we saw the film crew bundle out of their van with all film equipment in tow, we panicked. It didn’t occur to us that yes, the film crew would be taking this seriously, and yes, this does mean having a massive camera in your face, with a fluffy microphone hovering above your head at all times. Oh and let’s not forget the permanent tiny microphone taped to the inside of my bra. Let’s just say it was way more professional than we were expecting and no sooner had the camera crew sat down, then the management at Cafe Lilou marched over demanding to know the reasons for the cameras and ruled out any filming on the cafes premises. It wasn’t a great start to the day so we all proceeded to order fruit shakes and chit chat about the next 3 days. We were given our itineraries where we saw appointments and viewings for apartments had been booked with shots in-between of us doing ‘normal’ things like haggling in souks, driving our jeep in the desert and drinking mint tea. The schedule was jam packed, it all looked scary on paper, but in reality it was very, very fun.

The camera crew seemed to be in awe of everything they saw in Bahrain. One forgets how ‘glossy’ Bahrain seems to those visiting for the first time; one of my friends even went as far to describe Bahrain as the LA of the Middle East. It seemed that the American crew also thought the same as they seemed to be impressed with absolutely everything; Thawbs, ray-bans, Porshes, Hummers, Chanel and frozen yoghurt. They were so impressed by how ‘groomed’ and ‘hip’ the men in Thawbs and Guthra (the national head- dress) looked that they were adamant they would also buy some Guthras in the souk that very same day. The one thing that they were not very impressed with was the conversion of American dollars to Bahraini dinars. As soon as the director received the bill, his face dropped a mile and the whole excitement of buying a Gutra was suddenly lost.

Day one was a ‘taking it easy’ day, though in reality ‘taking it easy’ transpired into the director not really having a clue what scenic shots he could take in Bahrain and so pressuring us for amazing ideas. I didn’t really have a clue and refrained from suggesting the ‘Pearl Roundabout’. We already had the souk scheduled for the evening, but he wanted to shoot ‘authentic’ Bahrain. Muharraq instantly sprang to mind and I nervously suggested the small village with all the small houses as museums and in particular Sh. Isa Bin Ali House which would make some great shots on film. I nervously made the suggestion to which the director agreed immediately and ordered the sound man to wire us up with microphones. And so we made our way to Muharraq where my idea seemed to have pulled off and they filmed us walking through the narrow streets with whitewashed houses, ‘oouing’ and ‘arrring’ and pointing at nothing in particular. The nicest shots were taken at Sh. Isa Bin Ali House House where I was told to be more animated in my appreciation for the architecture. My animation didn’t really shine through until about the sixth take as I found it extremely difficult to be animated with a camera in my face and even worse, my continuous blushing as soon as I opened my mouth! It was all just so surreal, the director would scream ‘aaaaaand ACTION!’ and then there was all this pressure to be ‘yourself’, but you were not being yourself when asked to say things like ‘wooooow, I love this ceiling arch’. Anyway, I got there in the end.

The day ended with us going to see a realtor where we to be filmed discussing the criteria for our perfect flat. Just for your information our criteria was two bedrooms, preferably near a beach, sports facilities would be an advantage as well as modern. By the end of the day we were exhausted and we went home to ponder the day’s events.

The next day began bright and early at a rather gorgeous apartment in Um Al Hassam directly behind the British Club; I was genuinely excited to see all of the flats. The director briefed us on what to do as today was the day we would have to do some ‘light acting’. It all sounded reasonable and quite easy, but in practise we had to repeat the scenes many times, and there was often occasions where we just burst out laughing. We were all put into position just outside the door to the flat and then ‘ACTION’. The realtor led us into the flat where we greeted with this huge living space that was drenched with so much natural light coming from the massive window in the living area. The camera in my face did unnerve me slightly, but my reaction was genuine as I proceeded to do as instructed and say things like ‘Wooooooow this place is amazing’ in my highest pitch possible. It’s amazing how quickly you become comfortable with the whole acting thing. It suddenly became the most natural thing in the world for me to say idiotic things like ‘I love the big size of the floor tiles’ and ‘I can’t believe the dishes are really included in the rent?’. I look back on it now and cringe. I really liked this apartment, it was furnished with uber trendy ‘Kartell’ furniture, had a lot of natural light and a spectacular view of Manama’s skyline. Even better was the fact the apartment overlooked the British Club so the swimming pool and tennis courts were only a stone’s throw away.

The day got better when the director asked me whether I had done acting before, he said I was a ‘real natural’ and that some people takes ages to get comfortable in front of the camera but I just ‘got it’. I got all flustered, he was probably just humouring me, but whatever, it totally worked as I proceeded to ‘act’ my little heart out for the remainder of the day!

Anyway, on to apartment two. This flat was in Lulu towers in Sanabis and if the reception was anything to go by, we were in for a treat. From a design point of view, this place was very trendy. I really loved the quirky and fashionable decoration adorning the walls; there was this cool mix of barber mirrors on a mahogany wood panelled wall that all looked very Philip Stark. It just looked cool. Maybe too cool, but I was excited! We had a few issues getting into the apartment caused by the bombardment of film cameras. After 20 minutes of the realtor negotiating with reception, we were finally allowed to go in. We had to linger outside the flat whilst the crew got busy setting up the cameras, and then ‘AAAAAAACTION!’ .Now this apartment didn’t have any furniture so immediately the vast empty space immediately hit you as soon as you walked in, this was a good thing though as at least you had the opportunity to set up and furnish the home to your own taste. I particularly loved the kitchen as it was homely looking with a hole in the wall looking into the living area. There was one scene where we all burst into a fit of giggles when the director thought it would be a good idea if he stood in the shower and pulled funny faces as we walked into the bathroom. As soon as we walked in we burst out laughing, and didn’t stop for some time! Watching the DVD I was also reminded of a hideous line I don’t remember saying when describing the wardrobes; ‘I don’t like the wood, give it a little knock and it feels it will fall apart’. Cringe! Would I really say that? Apparently I would.

We ended day 2 by being filmed strolling around the souk. Everyone from the stalls was staring at us as and very curious by the cameras. People lost interest however when they realised that the people being filmed were no Angelina and Brad. The time spent in the Souk was the time I was supposed to express my ‘passion for fashion’. So we were filmed doing a sequence of fashion related things like watching a tailor stitch a Thawb, discussing printed cottons in the fabric shops and me getting excited by Indian Saree, an item I am not likely to wear anytime soon. We then went to a cafe to sip green tea and smoke Shisha for the cameras. We learnt the next morning that the smoking shisha scene had to be cut as apparently the Americans are quite sensitive to smoking related TV viewing.

Day 3 was the day I was looking forward to the most as I had seen from the itinerary we were going to look at a house at the Floating City on Amwaj islands. Adi and I had of course gone to the Floating City before, but merely as spectators drooling at the boats floating in the canals looking longingly at the people picnicking on their back lawns. And here we were, going to look inside one of the houses…I was very excited! The Floating city is called floating city because, well, it’s like a mini city, floating in water with canals as your back garden. House number 3 was to be expected in such a posh neighbourhood; posh! Glistening marble interiors and sparkling chandeliers immediately blinded us as we entered. This was a proper house, a proper grown up house. My favourite feature was the back garden which had its own mooring facility for a boat. You could also jump straight into the water if you felt like it. It was at this point that Adi professed he should buy a boat. I made it quite clear there would be no boat. I loved this house and I loved the neighbourhood, but I did wonder if it was indeed a bit too grown up for us.

Day 3 ended with the ‘decision’ scene. This was the scene where we basically had to decide which apartment we would take. We were instructed to create some drama, a bit of suspense. We did our best to be dramatic, but again, it was difficult to be dramatic when you are shy by nature and have that forever present camera in your face. After 1 hour of us ‘dramatically’ weighing up the pros and cons, we heard ‘aaaaaand cut!’ and we were finished. Actually it turned out we were cutting it pretty fine as we were losing the natural daylight and the crew had a plane to catch a few hours later. We quickly said our goodbyes (I was very sad to say goodbye, sob) and off we went to contemplate the last 3 days over dinner.

Two weeks after the filming in Bahrain, the production company flew me to London to do the back story. It was just one day of filming where they filmed the flat I was leaving behind and me prancing about on Bond Street doing ‘fashion’ things (since I am a designer) like gazing longingly into the windows of Gucci and Louis Vuitton wondering if I ever will afford that LV Speedy bag. We finished the day with an interview of why I was moving to Bahrain and expressing my excitement at the ‘Arabian adventures’ ahead. It was all very cheesy.

The director got back in touch 3 months after the original filming saying they needed to return to re-shoot some scenes and do some more interviews. So they came back for one day only and filmed us driving crazily in the desert in our jeep! Except it wasn’t really the desert, more like a patch of land, do you know it’s quite difficult to find the desert in the desert? They also did a follow up on our chosen apartment with all of our furniture inside which looked quite good in the end considering the fact it has been so difficult for me to fill since it’s too big!

Christmas day was our movie premiere as we received copies of the DVD on the 23^rd. We premiered to 12 of our friends including the realtor who has become a good friend since. We all screamed as soon as it came on and I screamed even louder when I saw my big face and scouse accent boom from the TV. It takes you 10 minutes to adjust to seeing yourself on TV then another 10 minutes to decide you look fat, spotty, pale, scruffy, unfashionable and generally not really worthy of being on the TV in the first place. In the end however, we all decided it was a job well done and quite glad we had decided to do it. I have since played my TV debut 5 times, each time cringing at the things we said (were made to say!).

So, which apartment did we choose in the end? Well I will leave that up to you to find out.

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