Parlez-vous Francais?

You know that old saying, ‘when it rains, it pours’? Well this has certainly been the case for me this week as now that I have started a job, I have received 2 phone calls from potential employers. Okay, so they are not really potentials since I am no longer looking for work anymore. However it’s only the first week in my job and since I am being paid next to nothing, I don’t think there is anything wrong with keeping my options open, so I went to check out one such option yesterday.

When I first arrived in Bahrain I had sent many applications to various schools applying to teaching assistant vacancies or English teaching positions. There seems to be a lot of jobs in the teaching field here for some reason, so I decided to give it a shot. I was being ambitious for sure considering I have no teaching qualifications or experience, but I would burn that bridge when I come to it I would tell myself. One such application was made to a French school and I was very surprised to receive an email from the human resources lady from this particular school a few days ago. I made the application many months ago when I first arrived so her email was a bit out of the blue.

It was Adi’s sister who had stumbled across this vacancy whilst researching French programs in Bahrain. At the time, it had sounded like the perfect position for me; they were looking for a part-time English teacher who spoke English as their native language, somebody fun, friendly and who were good with children, somebody who didn’t have to speak French but knowing the basics would be good. Oh, and I forgot to mention they were looking for a qualified teacher, an unimportant detail according to Adi and his sister, ‘you’re native English, they don’t care!’ they would exclaim. ‘But, it says qualified’ I would mumble back, ’Naaahhhhh’ they would say, ‘But I can’t speak French’, ‘just apply!’ Any excuse I gave them to try and get out of applying, they would dismiss with screams of ‘but you don’t know until you try!’ and ‘Why do you have to be so negative!?’I supposed this to be true enough, so I applied, though I have to say I felt a bit pressured into applying not really being truly comfortable with it. I had to submit my application in French which to be honest my only knowledge of how to say ‘bonjour’ didn’t really cover. So I gave my whole CV and application letter to Adi and his sister so they could do the whole translation into French. To be honest I would have preferred not to have done it, but those two together were ruthless, they would not let me off the leash. They have a ‘we can succeed in anything’ mentality which is great to have, but not so great when you are applying to a French school as an English teacher and you don’t have a teaching qualification and you don’t speak French!

I had submitted my application in English and French and was not surprised to not hear back from them, I had after all, no formal teaching experience. However as I have already said I was very surprised when, a few days ago, 3 months after my application, the school got in touch. I started panicking as soon as I saw the email. I called Adi who was ecstatic about the news (he wants me to speak French). Not wanting to sound too chicken, I made feeble attempts to get out of the interview none of which were good enough for me to be let off the hook. However despite any reservations I might have had about the job I secretly wanted to go, curious to see exactly how far I could get on, I also think the job would be great if I somehow miraculously got it, I would be forced to learn French!

So I went yesterday morning to the French school where I was greeted by the woman from human resources. She took me up to the interview room where my ordeal began. The first thing she mentioned was how perfect my French was from the written application I made.

‘I see you speak perfect French’ she trilled happily.

Uh oh! I should have known this was going to come back and bite me. I told her that I had some help with it, a lot of help in fact, I should have told her that actually I wouldn’t even be able to tell you what it says, but I settled on telling her my boyfriend helped me. As soon as I told her this, her face dropped.

‘But, why would you pretend to speak French?’

I proceeded to tell her that it had stated on the website that the application should be French but I didn’t think it mattered from whom the French came from since I was applying to be an English teacher. Why I said that I don’t know, what a dumb answer! She was completely unimpressed with my response and asked me if I had any notions of French at all.

‘Sure’ I exclaimed!

‘Quel age avez vous?’

‘Errrrrmmmmm, j’ai vingt…j’ai vingt….j’ai vingt six ans!!’

‘But it says on your CV you are 27?’

Uh oh! ‘I am, I am, I am sorry…oh…I am just so nervous’. I can’t even describe the shade of red I must have turned; beetroot just wouldn’t do it justice.

Okay, so she gave me a second chance explaining to me that it was very important to know the basics in French and at least have an intention to learn it (by the way people I have had lessons, many lessons!) And of course I have every intention to take it up again…in a few years.

‘Vous comprenez?

‘Oui’ (non!)

And then she spoke to me in fast French oblivious to my look of total bewilderment and panic. She was very animated, very French. When she finished her speech she gave me a look which meant an answer was required, unsure, I just nodded my head and said ‘Oui’ which thankfully was the right answer as she said ‘tres bien’. By now I was red-faced, flustered and sweating like a pig. I cursed Adi and his sister for this and sweared to chop off Adis head when I got home!

Things became easier as she resumed speaking in English as we proceeded to discuss the reasons why I had moved to Bahrain and why would a fashion designer want to become an English teacher. I couldn’t tell her that at the time I was desperate for a job and any old job would do, instead I told her that I loved working with children and felt I could make real contribution as a native speaker and that my bubbly personality and gentle nature makes me a whizz with children. I also told her that teaching was always something I wanted to do which was kind of true as I do have a secret ambition to teach design.

‘Alors…so tell me exactly what you did when you taught English part time to foreign students at university?’

‘Errrrmmmm….’ I racked my brains trying to remember when I taught English part time whilst at university. I only ever remember avoiding the foreign students as I could never understand what they were saying.

I was taking an unusually long time to reply, ‘Oh it was such a long time ago…’ think think think!

‘Well were you teaching it as a foreign language?’

A what!? I glanced over to the CV that she was looking at, it looked like my CV albeit in French, and sure enough under ‘work experience’ was ‘Enseignante d’Anglais à temps partiel’.

I didn’t know exactly what this said but it obviously meant what she though it meant, that I had indeed taught English part time whilst at University. It turned out Adi had done what he does best; he had sold me and in doing so exaggerated the fact that I might have edited the essay of one Chinese student in my class for a tenner thinking this was as good as any teaching degree. Usually I wouldn’t mind the truth being stretched slightly, but I would at least like to be told! And so here I was again more red-faced, sweatier and definitely more flustered.

I mumbled something about sentence structures in essays and grammar for presentations which she seemed to accept. The interview ended with her asking me what steps I was planning to take to become a teacher. Again my head went blank as I wasn’t planning on doing anything; I had just applied for jobs hoping for the best! ‘What about a TEFL qualification?’ she asked me. A what? I thought to myself, isn’t TEFL the name of a brand of pan!?

‘Sure I could do that’ I responded.

‘Well have you at least looked into it?’

‘Ermmmm….not yet… but I have been meaning to’

And with this she thanked me for my time, and told me she would let me know. Well we all know what this means, I hadn’t got it! But that was okay because I don’t think I want it. This was probably the worst interview ever and I am sure to be scarred for life now. I was cursing the French on my way home ready to do battle with Adi as soon as I saw him. However, it did strike me that considering I have been with Adi for 3 and a half years I should know more French. I have also studied French part time whilst I was in London for almost 2 years (on and off) so why hasn’t it stuck!? I may not have succeeded in getting this job but I had succeeded in deciding that it is time to brush up on my French, after all am I going to let Adi and our future children have their secret club in French that I can’t join because I can’t speak the language? No way! So that’s it, straight to the Alliance Francaise when I get home.

I also learnt a few lessons with this particular experience. Tell the truth; don’t let your boyfriend edit your CV in French and at the very least brush up on your French the night before.